90% of dumb cheaters use Facebook!

Here’s proof that the human race is getting dumber every day. According to an attorney in Florida, 90 percent of her divorces cases involve Facebook. But wait! There’s more!

A recent survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers discovered that one in five divorce proceedings included some kind of mention of Facebook.

If you want to keep a steamy extramarital affair secret, don’t post pictures of you sucking face with someone who isn’t your spouse. Our species is doomed if we can’t grasp the basic concept of secrecy.

This monumental stupidity is almost as galling as the concept of infidelity itself. What kind of drooling moron would run around behind the back of their husband or wife, only to upload incriminating evidence to a public website designed to connect friends and family? Being dumb AND faithless is an almost unforgivable cocktail of contemptibility.

According to the first number mentioned, only 10% of cheaters are smart enough to not advertise their crime of the heart. This isn’t even smart. It’s obvious. It’s like a masked bank robber donning a mask that is a photo-realistic representation of the bank robber’s actual face or a drug dealer selling illegal drugs while wearing a sign that reads “Hey, I’ve Got Illegal Drugs.”

If my old lady cheated on me, I’d be pissed off. But if I found out because she posted a picture of her and some guy bumping and grinding or posted a status update that read “Don’t tell my boyfriend, but I’m having an amazing time without him” then I’d also be insulted. Because I would have thought that I had been involved all this time with someone with a couple of grains of rice worth of intelligence.

This should be great news for those of you who keep your word and your vows, who respect faithfulness and honesty. You stand-up goody-goodies have not, apparently, lost any IQ points, unless you think some should be subtracted for being attracted to someone who would publicly humiliate you on Facebook.

But don’t be hard on yourself. If you get cheated on and if evidence of the affair is on Facebook, then you just dodged an evolutionary bullet. Seriously. This person was bound to, eventually, be a casualty of natural selection. If you’re so dumb that you conduct an affair out in the open on Facebook, then you’re dumb enough to plug a toaster into an electric wall socket and drag it into the Jacuzzi with you because a soak and a waffle sounded like a good idea. If you’re dumb enough to think that Facebook is like Vegas, whatever happens there stays there, you’re probably dumb enough juggle chainsaws. Drunk.

If your lover is dumb enough to post pictures of you online, then it’s your fault for committing adultery with a total nincompoop. Also: don’t assume that all of your friends have all of Facebook’s privacy settings activated. Facebook is like that old kid’s game “telephone.” One last thing… if you’re going to go the cowards’ way not dump your primary squeeze and get some hot side action, just deactivate your Facebook account. How about that?

You won’t do that, of course. Because you are dumb. Like, “can’t figure out tinker toys” dumb. You deserve everything that’s coming to you.
Copyright © john.
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